How do you tell yourself it will be worth it when you've never had it before? For a brief second in high school i was close to my current goal weight but i don't remember it enough to grasp on to that memory and know it will be worth it. I wonder, do i allow myself to have what i want with food because i don't allow myself to do or have other things? Is it worth the immediate satisfaction when i feel bad about it later and even worse when i don't lose weight? I have all the right things, and of course the knowledge. I just can't stand myself for not sticking with it on a daily basis. How hard is that? To enjoy the healthy food and the energy it gives me.
I don't want to give up, i just want to be done. i am tired of always having weight loss on my mind. But of course the sooner i buckle down and get on with the diet and exercise the quicker i'll get there, right? Did you know it takes more energy to be successful than it does to just sit down and let life pass you by. I don't want life to pass me by. I want to live it and be apart of it. Get out there and contribute to it. Just gotta keep taking baby steps forward....
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
1 yr...OMG!
I just can't believe it! ONE WHOLE YEAR! I can't believe how much i have changed in one year. Sure i've lost weight, but along with that, i have gained confidence, i feel my relationships are better because i am a happier person. I have pretty much gone off my depression medication and feel great without it! I still have it for days i need a lil pick me up, but thats maybe once a month around the time aunt flo visits. lol.
I have also been more open to trying new foods. I've enjoyed trying new things. I'm very happy that i have managed to stay away from the majority of carbs that got me where i was. Like the pasta's and breads. I don't keep them in the house. Not that i haven't had pizza here and there or a few pieces of pasta. Yes i said a few, the times i've had it, i fill my plate up with other things and a few things of pasta, by the time i get to it i'm almost full so a few fill me up the rest of the way. That shit swells! Let me tell you, it sits heavy in the new pouch, so i tend to stay away from it for that reason as well.
I have found a way to eat salad and actually enjoy it. I buy fruit and actually eat it! I have been able to drink protein shakes again, after months of aversion to it. Granted sweets have tried to wiggle their way back into my life on many occasions, i am trying to limit myself on them and enjoy them in small portions.
I exercise probably more than i ever used to. Still not as much as i would like, but it comes and goes in spurts. I am trying different things there too. I have found i still enjoy running. I love Zumba, and long walks with my puppy dogs!
Last Monday April 22nd i had Thyroid surgery. A left thyroid lobectomy. I feel great, no cancer and the recovery on this was NOTHING compared to bariatric surgery! haha! I took a week off and got to spend it with my momma. She came up from Florida to take care of me. It was so nice to have her here. :)
I had my one year post op appt on friday the 26th. That went well. The Dr and i came up with goals to set. My number 1 goal is getting to my goal weight of 130lbs by my birthday in Dec. So right now i'm working on decreasing my calories and being happy with that. Then i'll start in on the exercise again. I had my picture taken and was sent my before and after pics. Holy crap! I can't believe how fat i looked. haha. I knew i was big, but i never realized i was that big! Why didn't anyone tell me?? I was also told at my appt by my Dr that not only do i have a great support system(obviously) but that other people consider me their support and inspiration. For that i want to say thank you! I try my hardest to inspire other and be there for them. Its just so humbling to know that others see me as supportive!
So thank you to all who read! I love writing this and will continue to do so. Woo hoo for a year!
I have also been more open to trying new foods. I've enjoyed trying new things. I'm very happy that i have managed to stay away from the majority of carbs that got me where i was. Like the pasta's and breads. I don't keep them in the house. Not that i haven't had pizza here and there or a few pieces of pasta. Yes i said a few, the times i've had it, i fill my plate up with other things and a few things of pasta, by the time i get to it i'm almost full so a few fill me up the rest of the way. That shit swells! Let me tell you, it sits heavy in the new pouch, so i tend to stay away from it for that reason as well.
I have found a way to eat salad and actually enjoy it. I buy fruit and actually eat it! I have been able to drink protein shakes again, after months of aversion to it. Granted sweets have tried to wiggle their way back into my life on many occasions, i am trying to limit myself on them and enjoy them in small portions.
I exercise probably more than i ever used to. Still not as much as i would like, but it comes and goes in spurts. I am trying different things there too. I have found i still enjoy running. I love Zumba, and long walks with my puppy dogs!
Last Monday April 22nd i had Thyroid surgery. A left thyroid lobectomy. I feel great, no cancer and the recovery on this was NOTHING compared to bariatric surgery! haha! I took a week off and got to spend it with my momma. She came up from Florida to take care of me. It was so nice to have her here. :)
I had my one year post op appt on friday the 26th. That went well. The Dr and i came up with goals to set. My number 1 goal is getting to my goal weight of 130lbs by my birthday in Dec. So right now i'm working on decreasing my calories and being happy with that. Then i'll start in on the exercise again. I had my picture taken and was sent my before and after pics. Holy crap! I can't believe how fat i looked. haha. I knew i was big, but i never realized i was that big! Why didn't anyone tell me?? I was also told at my appt by my Dr that not only do i have a great support system(obviously) but that other people consider me their support and inspiration. For that i want to say thank you! I try my hardest to inspire other and be there for them. Its just so humbling to know that others see me as supportive!
So thank you to all who read! I love writing this and will continue to do so. Woo hoo for a year!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
bad day
Of all the things in life that are difficult and we have no control over, why is it I feel that food is one of those? I feel it has so much power over me, and what for? What does it do for me? Half the time i'm not hungry, just bored. Granted today i'm sad, because i realize i can't seem to stick to my diet. Its not just about being on a diet, just living a healthier life style. I feel better when i eat better. When i get my protein, i feel great. I want to feel as in control and great as i did on my pre op diet. I was on so few calories but getting tons of protein and felt great. How can i get back to that. Do I have to go on all liquids for a couple weeks to gain control again? I don't want to do that, but is that what it will take? I want food to be a fleeting thought. To enjoy life, get shit done and realize at 10pm that i didn't even have dinner and just go to bed instead.
Part of me doesn't want anyone to read this because it is embarrassing to admit even after having bariatric surgery that i can fall off the wagon so quickly. But another part of me says, that its part of the journey and being honest not only helps me but others as well. With or without surgery, we all hit slumps. One of these days i will get out of mine. Until then i guess i just have to keep plugging along and hoping and praying for the best. I know i can be proud of myself. I've been there before. I so desperately want to see that scale move again, down, not up! haha.
I decided to clean my bathroom tonight, the funny thing is, it made me feel a little more in control of my life. So i scheduled different things into my phone, one thing a day, depending on what shows i want to watch that day. Maybe if i can control my enviroment and be more organized i will gain more control of my other habits, like eating/grazing.
Life isn't easy, so i need to stop making the food decisions so difficult. I don't want to focus my life around it. Sure i plan for the day what i'm going to eat, and its nice to have it there, but i don't want to be so focused on it and when my next meal will be. That is my challenge. One day i will overcome it or at least find a way to combat it.
Part of me doesn't want anyone to read this because it is embarrassing to admit even after having bariatric surgery that i can fall off the wagon so quickly. But another part of me says, that its part of the journey and being honest not only helps me but others as well. With or without surgery, we all hit slumps. One of these days i will get out of mine. Until then i guess i just have to keep plugging along and hoping and praying for the best. I know i can be proud of myself. I've been there before. I so desperately want to see that scale move again, down, not up! haha.
I decided to clean my bathroom tonight, the funny thing is, it made me feel a little more in control of my life. So i scheduled different things into my phone, one thing a day, depending on what shows i want to watch that day. Maybe if i can control my enviroment and be more organized i will gain more control of my other habits, like eating/grazing.
Life isn't easy, so i need to stop making the food decisions so difficult. I don't want to focus my life around it. Sure i plan for the day what i'm going to eat, and its nice to have it there, but i don't want to be so focused on it and when my next meal will be. That is my challenge. One day i will overcome it or at least find a way to combat it.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Am I Insane?
I'm fairly sure the title says it all. Yes i am. About 2 weeks ago i decided that i wanted to try Insanity by Shaun T. I was super pumped, found a friend to do it with, got the dvd's and then we started. I had seen a couple videos on youtube heard some comments, but did i listen? Nah, i did it anyway! HAHA! The first day was fine, couldn't really do the pushups but all in all didn't kill me. The second day was a bit crazier, lots of jumping and running about. Well that day did me in. The next day i was in so much pain. my calves were killing me, my thighs were very sore. I tried to do day 3 and ended up in more pain whilst doing it and crying from the pain. So from there i decided that maybe Insanity was too insane for me right now.
So now what? I knew i needed to do something. I wanted to get my cardio and toning in. So a friend suggested Power 90. Its the pre pre version to P90X. who knew?!?! lol. They only advertise the crazy stuff, not the ones to get you there! So i ordered Power 90 and just started that today! SOOO much better! Definitly feel it in my arms and that is good! Though i know i won't be crazy sore tomorrow! So now i just have to really focus on my eating and i'm gonna rock this! I took a before picture, and can't wait to see the after pic in 90 days. Not sure if i'm brave enough to post the before pic, but we'll see after the 90 days is up! Let the journey begin! yay!!
So now what? I knew i needed to do something. I wanted to get my cardio and toning in. So a friend suggested Power 90. Its the pre pre version to P90X. who knew?!?! lol. They only advertise the crazy stuff, not the ones to get you there! So i ordered Power 90 and just started that today! SOOO much better! Definitly feel it in my arms and that is good! Though i know i won't be crazy sore tomorrow! So now i just have to really focus on my eating and i'm gonna rock this! I took a before picture, and can't wait to see the after pic in 90 days. Not sure if i'm brave enough to post the before pic, but we'll see after the 90 days is up! Let the journey begin! yay!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
constantly new
I've been fairly busy the past couple weeks. I have been trying to stick to my "diet"/life style change. It certainly isn't easy. I constatly struggle with evening eating. I get home, don't do anything, watch tv, so i eat. Am i hungry? no. Am i eating anything healthy? nope. Granted its not unhealthy, but still there are better choices to be made, and they are in the house! On Feb 4th i decided that maybe exercising in the morning would be a good idea. Get up about 45 min earlier than normal, work out for 30 min and then i'd have more energy. Sounded good. I did have more energy. This morning, after 2 weeks i decided, nah, i'd rather sleep. haha! So onto the next great idea! I guess its a good thing that i'm trying new things and not giving up completely. So now i have decided that my dogs need exercise at least a couple times a day. They are pent up in the house all day, the least i can do is take them out for a 10 min walk a couple times a day. So morning and night. They need it just as much as I do, if not more. I at least get out and go to work and run errands. They aren't stuck in a cage all day but they are in the house all day. That would drive me crazy! So i bundle up and head out. Rain or shine, snow or ice!
I suppose i'll have to go back to walking/running on the treadmill at night. I signed up for Active U at work so i have to get those mintues logged! I want that darn tshirt at the end of the 12 weeks! haha! I found these 7 exercises to help with toning. 7 isn't bad right? I figure 15 min at the most, it won't kill me. So i gotta find a place at home to do that, because a lot of it is using the wall, so i need a space for that. I can only imagine what the dogs will do. Diego will be all up in my business like "whatcha doin, can i help, here let me give you kisses" um no!
I finally bought some jars and those little pebble rocks that you put in water. Well i've seen on pinterest and other people use them as weight loss markers. One jar for how much you have to lose and the other jar to put the ones you've lost into. So i have 55 little stones in one jar and none in the other right now. The jars are huge so the 55 stones looked like such a small amount. I had to count it twice because i just wasn't convinced that there were 55 stones in there! That is sitting on my ledge outside my bedroom, on my way to the bathroom. So i see it every morning and night. A gentle reminder that if i want to beable to switch the stones from one jar to the next, from "pounds to shed" to "pounds lost" that i got to get at it and get moving! Stick to the foods that are good for me, that give me energy, not weight me down. Protein really does make a difference and keeping busy gets my mind off food. I just have to do it. Talk is cheap, so by no means does me writing this down mean that when i get home at night do i have a new found sense of motivation to do everything i've ever strived to do.
Here are some goals. I hope to exercise daily, by walking the dogs, getting on my treadmill, or going to zumba and also doing those 7 exercises i mentioned. I will seek out and try new recipes to keep me interested and busy at night and on the weekends. I will do better at doing things around the house, cleaning up, putting away laundry, those kinda things that my lazy butt hates to do! haha!
Have a great rest of February to whoever reads this. Please leave a comment, follow me, i love to know who reads, it encourages me! Thank you!
I suppose i'll have to go back to walking/running on the treadmill at night. I signed up for Active U at work so i have to get those mintues logged! I want that darn tshirt at the end of the 12 weeks! haha! I found these 7 exercises to help with toning. 7 isn't bad right? I figure 15 min at the most, it won't kill me. So i gotta find a place at home to do that, because a lot of it is using the wall, so i need a space for that. I can only imagine what the dogs will do. Diego will be all up in my business like "whatcha doin, can i help, here let me give you kisses" um no!
I finally bought some jars and those little pebble rocks that you put in water. Well i've seen on pinterest and other people use them as weight loss markers. One jar for how much you have to lose and the other jar to put the ones you've lost into. So i have 55 little stones in one jar and none in the other right now. The jars are huge so the 55 stones looked like such a small amount. I had to count it twice because i just wasn't convinced that there were 55 stones in there! That is sitting on my ledge outside my bedroom, on my way to the bathroom. So i see it every morning and night. A gentle reminder that if i want to beable to switch the stones from one jar to the next, from "pounds to shed" to "pounds lost" that i got to get at it and get moving! Stick to the foods that are good for me, that give me energy, not weight me down. Protein really does make a difference and keeping busy gets my mind off food. I just have to do it. Talk is cheap, so by no means does me writing this down mean that when i get home at night do i have a new found sense of motivation to do everything i've ever strived to do.
Here are some goals. I hope to exercise daily, by walking the dogs, getting on my treadmill, or going to zumba and also doing those 7 exercises i mentioned. I will seek out and try new recipes to keep me interested and busy at night and on the weekends. I will do better at doing things around the house, cleaning up, putting away laundry, those kinda things that my lazy butt hates to do! haha!
Have a great rest of February to whoever reads this. Please leave a comment, follow me, i love to know who reads, it encourages me! Thank you!
Monday, February 4, 2013
frustrated
I get so mad at myself for ruining my days with bad eating habits. I start out so well, then ruin it with a few too many carbs and chocolate. Sure it sounds good at the time, but its probably hindering my ultimate goal. I just hate that i do it! I don't want to, but i just feel like i have a craving for it. Sure i can exercise, but thats probably just burning off the bad calories i ate. So really i'm just coming out even and staying the same. Its just so frustrating. Why do i self sabotage myself. I don't even feel like i'm doing it on purpose. I know not every day can be perfect or right on the money, but i just wish i could get a good momentum going.
I know how to get my protein, and maybe i'm just lacking on getting my water in. I just hate regrouping every day. Saying each day i'll get it right and fail each time. I've never wanted this so much and i feel like i have all the right tools and the motivation. I hope by writing it down it will motivate me. I'm accountable to you.
Please leave a comment of encouragement or ideas on how you stay on track and keep yourself honest. I really would love to hear!
I know how to get my protein, and maybe i'm just lacking on getting my water in. I just hate regrouping every day. Saying each day i'll get it right and fail each time. I've never wanted this so much and i feel like i have all the right tools and the motivation. I hope by writing it down it will motivate me. I'm accountable to you.
Please leave a comment of encouragement or ideas on how you stay on track and keep yourself honest. I really would love to hear!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
back at it!
So i haven't blogged in a while. It was a busy holiday season. Its been a busy January. But i am back on track and i better start losing weight again! So currently i am down 75 lbs. I've held steady for the past couple months, maybe fluctuated a couple pounds here and there but for the most part i've held my own! Which i am very proud of. I have to say, sometimes the hardest part is maintaining.
After my mom had her accident and i found out i had a huge thyroid nodule, stress took over and then i felt i was almost working too hard to lose weight that i was making it worse instead of better. So i just decided to just relax and not worry about it. I didn't want to get out of control, so i didn't go crazy, but i still let myself have things i wanted.
The holidays were good! I was thankful to have my parents here for Thanksgiving. I got to go to Florida for my birthday and Christmas, since they are so close together! Enjoyed just spending time with my parents. I was happy to come home to my babies though after 8 days away from them. New Years eve i spent with some friends. The first NYE in a few years that i've stayed up for! haha!
My new years resolutions were lengthy. I feel i have more goals now and ambition! My biggest one is to lose the rest of this weight. I have about 55 more lbs to go. I have started eating more protein again, i'm working on getting my supplements in regularly again. I had worked out a few times the first couple weeks of January but starting last monday i have truly been consistent! I'm loving it too! I've been running/walking on my treadmill and taking Zumba classes! I feel so good afterwards and during the day that its truly just addicting! I have a feeling i'm toning and gaining muscle, because the scale doesn't seem to want to budge. My hope is, in a few weeks of consistency i'll just drop a few lbs and then it will start moving. I think my body is just in shock that i'm being consistent and gaining muscle.
I've measured myself, so I will be monitoring my progress that way too. This is going to be a great year, i just feel it! I'm changing habits, silly things, but i want to be a better person, with better habits. I hope with my increased confidence i can start dating and just enjoy life again! Until then, i have great friends, great family and my wonderful puppies to keep my company!
After my mom had her accident and i found out i had a huge thyroid nodule, stress took over and then i felt i was almost working too hard to lose weight that i was making it worse instead of better. So i just decided to just relax and not worry about it. I didn't want to get out of control, so i didn't go crazy, but i still let myself have things i wanted.
The holidays were good! I was thankful to have my parents here for Thanksgiving. I got to go to Florida for my birthday and Christmas, since they are so close together! Enjoyed just spending time with my parents. I was happy to come home to my babies though after 8 days away from them. New Years eve i spent with some friends. The first NYE in a few years that i've stayed up for! haha!
My new years resolutions were lengthy. I feel i have more goals now and ambition! My biggest one is to lose the rest of this weight. I have about 55 more lbs to go. I have started eating more protein again, i'm working on getting my supplements in regularly again. I had worked out a few times the first couple weeks of January but starting last monday i have truly been consistent! I'm loving it too! I've been running/walking on my treadmill and taking Zumba classes! I feel so good afterwards and during the day that its truly just addicting! I have a feeling i'm toning and gaining muscle, because the scale doesn't seem to want to budge. My hope is, in a few weeks of consistency i'll just drop a few lbs and then it will start moving. I think my body is just in shock that i'm being consistent and gaining muscle.
I've measured myself, so I will be monitoring my progress that way too. This is going to be a great year, i just feel it! I'm changing habits, silly things, but i want to be a better person, with better habits. I hope with my increased confidence i can start dating and just enjoy life again! Until then, i have great friends, great family and my wonderful puppies to keep my company!
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