Post op journey

Well I am now two weeks post op. A few days after being home, being the genius that I am, I swallowed water the wrong way and was hacking. It was so painful, it felt like the stitches under the skin were being ripped out of my body! Then the next day I took my multi vitamin on an empty stomach followed by some Tylenol. Went to lay down and a few seconds later a wave of nausea came over me. I leaped up from the couch with my little pillow to hold my stomach and warned my mom that this was not going to be pretty. Luckily not much came up, but after the incident the day before, wow that hurt!
I did fairly well the first week after surgery. I had my mom staying with, taking care of me. It was nice to have the company. She constantly had me sipping on protein drinks and water. After that first week and being on all these liquid proteins for three weeks, I was done with it. I could not physically bring myself to drink anything sweet. All of these protein drinks are sweet! So what was I left with? Not much. Luckily I didn't care. But for some reason I was angry. Angry that I didn't have options and that everything was liquid! For a couple days all I ate was cream of wheat for breakfast then mashed potatos with chicken soup unjury for dinner. Not much, I know, but I wasn't hungry and I was not going to touch the sweet protein drinks with a ten foot pole! By the weekend my depression kicked into high gear. All I wanted to do was cry. I couldn't tell you why I was sad, but I just had these emotions in me and if you just looked at me the wrong way I would start crying. I hated it. I had not felt this way, this sad, since going on meds nearly 6 yrs ago. I was still taking my meds so what the heck was wrong with me! So I reached out to some of the friends I had made in the support group meetings. One person explained it to me as mourning the loss of food. It made sense. Food was always my comfort, my go to, something to do when I was bored because I was too tired and lazy to go anywhere or do anything. Normally I would find food, sit down, watch tv and be content. Now, with no desire for food my body and mind were conflicted. I was sad and crying like I had lost something near and dear to my heart. It was just food. I told myself I didn't want or need it anymore, and that was the truth. So why was I feeling this way? My mom tried to distract me by taking me shopping, and sure I laughed here and there but I kept having this nagging feeling of sadness. So I finally caved after 3 or 4 days of this and called to make an appointment with my therapist. I just couldn't take it anymore, and somehow she always makes me feel better! So I finally saw her yesterday. She helped validate my feelings. I explained everything I was feeling and other things I was going through and she helped me talk it out. Told me it was normal and a hard time. To obviously find things to occupy my time. I had just finished a series of books a couple days before, so she suggested I read some more.
She gave me a couple authors to try. My mom, being wonderfully supportive decided to order me a kindle, because if I'm gonna take up reading doing it on my phone long term probably isn't the best idea, plus on kindles you can share books with other kindle users! So I am excitedly awaiting my new distraction from food.
Although as I said before I have no desire for food nor am I hungry. However my surgeon did explain that the food was giving me dopamine to my brain to make me feel better. He said this reaction doesn't happen to very many people but he did see how it was possible. It's all an addiction and I need to find something healthier to be "addicted" to. Of course he suggested exercise. So here I am, 25lbs lighter and on my way to a new me. It's scary, and I don't know what my next hurdle will be, but I know I have great supportive people behind me. 😄