Back on Track

So i suck at updating. I really need to get better at it. At least weekly no matter what i need to post something. I want a following and want to get my story out there.

So about 6 weeks ago i decided that i needed to get back on track, truly on track, and did a liquid diet. I have struggled with getting back on track for the past year almost and needed to do this. Its just sucking it up and doing it. I had seen everyone on my Michigan Sleevers group on Facebook  was doing the 5 day pouch test which i think motivated me to do this. I can't do the 5 day pouch test because it involves lots of meat and well, i don't eat meat. haha. So i decided to just go back to all liquids. For 4 days i did 3 protein shakes and a quest bar. I ended up dropping about 6 lbs in the 4 days. It was very rewarding. The struggle was similar to when i did my 2 week pre op diet. I got a headache the first couple days, which sucked. Clearly the carbs and creeped back into my diet and i had to detox from them. I loved the support i got from my facebook group. I still am in awe of how close knit the bariatric community is. I wish i had this kind of support on all the other diets i was on. I wish there was a way to give others without bariatric surgery the support they need to lose weight, so they don't have to resort to surgery. I don't regret a second of it, but just in hindsight wonder if i had this support before would i have succeeded?

3 weeks ago a friend coaxed me into trying out a boot camp class. Its 3 days a week for 2 hrs a session. Crazy right? YUP! She has been trying to get me to do this for a while now, and for some crazy reason i went through with it. haha! We just completed week 3 and have 3 more weeks to go. It is not easy! it is by far the hardest and most mentally challenging thing i have ever done. Every muscle in my body tells me to give up because its never done this before, never been pushed this hard and is used to just giving up. I am so proud of myself for not, but it still sucks! I hate to love it! lol. Everyone in the class is so supportive and amazing! I think they are the reason i go back. I told one of the ladies in class yesterday that the soreness has yet to go away, yet you get used to it and it becomes a part of you. It becomes your new norm. She said shes been sore for 10 months. But at least i know my body is being worked and will look amazing because of it. I know i'll have lose skin from all the weight i have to lose but this will help tone up where i can and push me to new goals and places i never thought i could go! I hope once i complete this session i can do another session in January, keep the soreness going! haha!

convienient

Have you ever found yourself doing one thing when alone and then in front of people you say you can't do that or have that because of some reason or another? Lets call it the convienent lie/truth. If you've read any of my posts or the title of my blog you'll know i had bariatric surgery. I find the farther out i get, the more i test what i can and can't have, what i can get away with, whether its healthy for me or not. But i also find myself using my surgery as a reason to refuse food in front of people, but deep down i know that if i was alone, i would eat it, guilt free. So it begs the question, should i be eating it then? I've always struggled with demonizing food. Making it the bad guy, when its me who is making the choices. Food isn't bad, its the emphasize you put behind it that makes it "bad".
   So what I need to do, and want to do so badly is get back to what is good, what is nourishing to my body. What makes me feel good for long term, not a short term high. I want to be true to my new pouch, because i want it to be good to me for years to come. This is not a short term fix, its a long term goal and life. I want to be the best i can be. I don't have control over many things, but i like to think God has at least given me control over what the heck i put in my mouth to nourish my body!

So i need to start getting creative, and sucking it up and eating the healthy foods i buy. Because you know what? They actually taste good, look good and make me feel good! Because i want to find the best ME possible, to see what i am really made of and like the person i am, inside and out.

So i am attempting to be 130lbs, be skinny and exercise because its fun. Play with my dogs more, because they are only here for a short period of time so I should make their lives awesome! I'll need all the encouragement i can get, good vibes, prayers, thoughts, whatever you got, i'll need it!