frustrated

This journey is far from easy. Whoever said it may be, lied! The farther out i get the harder it is. I know i have changed a lot, but in some ways i feel like i haven't changed at all. I so desperately want to lose this last 40 lbs. I so want to succeed and say "I DID IT!!!". Be truly proud of myself and accomplishing something i have been striving for, for such a long time.
I do well for like a week, and then something happens and i fall off for 2. I know i could lose this weight if i just stick to it for long enough, create better habits that are good for me anyway. Not just for the short term but for the long term. Try new things, create a new recipe, try a new workout. Have fun with it and be excited to learn something new about food. I get so bored with the food i have that i sink into old habits because they are just easier, but lazy. Its amazing how easy it was to be lazy, not have anything expected of me. Withdraw from the world. I am not that person anymore, yet i fight every day not to go back to that. I know i can be a better version on myself. A truly healthier version, that enjoys food, not because its just there, but to fuel me and nothing else.
I am going to go thru some of my cookbooks and find some simple recipes to try. Actually try them. haha. Of course high protein and low carb. Those carbs just don't like me.
I need to blog more, get my feelings out and vocalize them. I don't even care if anyone reads this, but i need to say how i feel and write it down. This is for me, no one else.