bad day

Of all the things in life that are difficult and we have no control over, why is it I feel that food is one of those? I feel it has so much power over me, and what for? What does it do for me? Half the time i'm not hungry, just bored. Granted today i'm sad, because i realize i can't seem to stick to my diet. Its not just about being on a diet, just living a healthier life style. I feel better when i eat better. When i get my protein, i feel great. I want to feel as in control and great as i did on my pre op diet. I was on so few calories but getting tons of protein and felt great. How can i get back to that. Do I have to go on all liquids for a couple weeks to gain control again? I don't want to do that, but is that what it will take? I want food to be a fleeting thought. To enjoy life, get shit done and realize at 10pm that i didn't even have dinner and just go to bed instead.
Part of me doesn't want anyone to read this because it is embarrassing to admit even after having bariatric surgery that i can fall off the wagon so quickly. But another part of me says, that its part of the journey and being honest not only helps me but others as well. With or without surgery, we all hit slumps. One of these days i will get out of mine. Until then i guess i just have to keep plugging along and hoping and praying for the best. I know i can be proud of myself. I've been there before. I so desperately want to see that scale move again, down, not up! haha.
I decided to clean my bathroom tonight, the funny thing is, it made me feel a little more in control of my life. So i scheduled different things into my phone, one thing a day, depending on what shows i want to watch that day. Maybe if i can control my enviroment and be more organized i will gain more control of my other habits, like eating/grazing.
Life isn't easy, so i need to stop making the food decisions so difficult. I don't want to focus my life around it. Sure i plan for the day what i'm going to eat, and its nice to have it there, but i don't want to be so focused on it and when my next meal will be. That is my challenge. One day i will overcome it or at least find a way to combat it.

Am I Insane?

I'm fairly sure the title says it all. Yes i am. About 2 weeks ago i decided that i wanted to try Insanity by Shaun T. I was super pumped, found a friend to do it with, got the dvd's and then we started. I had seen a couple videos on youtube heard some comments, but did i listen? Nah, i did it anyway! HAHA! The first day was fine, couldn't really do the pushups but all in all didn't kill me. The second day was a bit crazier, lots of jumping and running about. Well that day did me in. The next day i was in so much pain. my calves were killing me, my thighs were very sore. I tried to do day 3 and ended up in more pain whilst doing it and crying from the pain. So from there i decided that maybe Insanity was too insane for me right now.
   So now what? I knew i needed to do something. I wanted to get my cardio and toning in. So a friend suggested Power 90. Its the pre pre version to P90X. who knew?!?! lol. They only advertise the crazy stuff, not the ones to get you there! So i ordered Power 90 and just started that today! SOOO much better! Definitly feel it in my arms and that is good! Though i know i won't be crazy sore tomorrow! So now i just have to really focus on my eating and i'm gonna rock this! I took a before picture, and can't wait to see the after pic in 90 days. Not sure if i'm brave enough to post the before pic, but we'll see after the 90 days is up! Let the journey begin! yay!!